Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone without any fanfare. One down, one to go.
When I was a kid holidays were ok I guess. They would either be at our house or our Grandparents house and there was lots of food and arguing…sometimes…but I guess we had fun in our own bazaar way. When ever we were at my Grandparent house we would always have mustard pickles, which my Grandfather would cook and then can them himself, and cheez whiz on celery. We would have either Turkey, Ham, or Lasagna, but we would always have an apple pie, a coconut custard pie, and a pumpkin pie. Of course I’d have a slice of all three, hence the very early start to my obesity!
Anyway, now I am an adult and holidays suck my hairy cheesy balls!! I suffer from Bi-Polar Disorder so it is a crap shoot as to whether I will be in a depressive cycle so right off the bat I have a 50-50 chance of a shitty holiday. And when I refer to holiday I mean from Thanksgiving, through Christmas, and all the way up to January 23…my birthday. As an adult you have to be able to make your own fun during the holidays and during a depressed period “fun” just ain’t at the top of the list. Plus I have a very detached family who never seems to remember to invite me to their homes, or call, or give a rats ass whether I am alone on a holiday in general. SO if I am going to do anything at all I have to make my own good time or get lucky and have a friend take pity on me and invite me over for the day.
This year, luckily seems to be going quite well and by well it doesn’t suck complete ass. I seem to be in a pretty good mood, not “happy” but not depressed and I seem for some odd reason craving company which goes totally against my Social Anxiety disorder. Thanksgiving has come and gone so fast that I barely had time to even realize it was a holiday. The one bright spot in my day was my greatest friend ever, Robin…my adopted Mom. She was kind enough to bring me over a really tasty plate of food, Turkey with all the trimmings. It was delicious and it meant alot to me that someone was thinking about me on the holiday.
Anyway, there are no mustard pickles anymore, I hope my Grandfather is resting in Peace because he really went out of his way to show us kids a good time as we grew up. There are no more celery with cheez wiz…thank god! I guess holidays really are for children and as adults we need to create our own special moments. Me? I have come to consider holidays as just another day that interferes with regular mail delivery. I am hoping this good mood, well, stable mood hangs around until January so my birthday isn’t completely depressing. I think we shouldn’t make a big ass deal of peoples birthdays when we are growing up because as an adult you have this feeling like you should somehow have this big party and celebration and for loners like me who have very little friends, a celebration just ain’t happening!!
Yeah, Yeah, poor me. I know, it sounds as if I am some Emo whiney bitch but I am not trying to complain. This is my life and it is just the way it is, I accept it. I just thought I would share with those lucky people who have great holidays and lots of friends and great celebration that we all don’t have it like them. I hope everyone with a close, loving family appreciates every celebration, every holiday, every birthday, wedding, or graduation. You are lucky to have such love and happiness in your life…appreciate every minute of it. Some of us have a more lonely existance, granted in my case it is somewhat self-inflicted, but there are lots of lonely people who would love to trade places with you.
Anyway, here is to me having a better than usual holiday filled with more smiles than tears and hopefully including some contact with people…but don’t you all hold your breath on that one.
